I hear you strong and courageous one…
I hear you chug chug CHUGGIN along at the very back of the bunch. I can feel your effort, your exhaustion and your pain. I can feel your teeth gritting together as you take one small yet ever so important step after the next. I can feel your hands sweating as they grip ever so tightly onto whatever it is you are relying to keep you up right.
My hands shake along with yours as you try to propel yourself forward just one last inch. I can feel your anger, your frustration, your disappointment, your fear, and most importantly your determination.
I know it’s harder for you than the rest. I know you look ahead and wonder why that can’t be you? Or maybe even more accurately, why that’s NOT you anymore?
I know it has been a long time since you have felt the effortlessness of lifting your legs, something similar to the feeling of floating in a salt water pool.
I totally understand how defeated you feel when the rug beneath your feet feels like fur, and I know how scary it is NOT to know what the next thing is you will trip over.
I can resonate with you ever so deeply when you say that you just don’t know what ‘normal’ feels like anymore, and that you simply can’t even IMAGINE what life must be like without pain.
I place no judgement whatsoever on the days you breakdown in tears, have the ugliest of ugliest cries, or scream at the top of your lungs and surprise yourself at how off pitch you can be.
I don’t wonder for a single second why you are more sensitive on some days over others, or why you feel a LEGIT celebration is in order for solely cooking your own meal.
I understand to the nth degree why you feel like throwing yourself your own damn fiesta JUST for cleaning your own room, and why HECK YES, walking to the end of your modest 1250 sq foot home DOES deserve a champagne popping party EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I know YOU know, that you have 50,000 reasons to scream while also realizing you have 50,000 more reasons to smile. But I also know, it just doesn’t always feel as such.
I know you are grateful for SO many things, while at the same time wondering ‘What the FAAAAARRRIG’ is going on in my body???
I know you are happy for others going through great times in their life, yet also feel empathy for those who are going through struggles of their own. I know you’re a good friend, a good parent, a good child and an overall great person.
But if nothing else, I want you to know that I get it. I get how you feel and I know you are trying. I know you are trying to be strong, to be grateful, and to be kind. I know you are trying your best to simply keep TRYING and I know you are ALWAYS trying your best to keep smiling.
I also know it’s not easy. I know it’s not easy to sometimes feel like a burden on others, yet continue to surprise those same people with the many triumphs you endure.
I know it’s not easy to get dressed in the morning let-alone ‘dressed up’ and I know on SO many days it would be SO much easier to just NOT…
To simply NOT get up, to NOT get dressed, to NOT smile, to NOT be kind, and to NOT be grateful.
Yet you ARE.
You may be the slowest, and most worn out one of the pack, but you are also the mightiest, bravest, most courageous and most experienced, because this reality is YOURS. It’s yours in every single essence it embodies, and YOU my friend have become the veteran of it all.
It will NEVER become easy, but in so many ways you have mastered the art of making it appear so. You will ALWAYS cross that finish line no matter how disadvantaged you start OR with how many huffs and puffs you exude, because after all, YOU are the the little engine that COULD and YOU my brave warrior are KILLING it!
#thelittleenginethatcould #chuggalug #nevergiveup #braverthanyourbattle #Igetyou #keeponkeepinon #strongerthanyouthink #MS MSawareness #warrior #blog #blogger #personaljourney #burnfireburn