I’m BACK!

And with that big announcement…

Why THIS blog you may ask? Why THIS blog after being blog MIA for the past 6 months…?

To be honest, I never really know when or why an idea hits, but if I were to take a wild guess, I’d say that maybe my drive to write this particular blog has come from my own personal situation and its innate ability to put my personal problems into perspective. Or maybe it’s the visits with my family in Mexico and witnessing first hand JUST how little can make them happy. But most likely, it’s probably a combination of both the aforementioned.

First World Problems. We are all faced with them. For many of us, we find ourselves trying to battle them Every. Single. Day… And don’t get me wrong, most of the time the struggle is REAL. We Legit find ourselves stressed out to the max about the ‘craziness’ in our world, which doesn’t even exist in the majority of Third World countries. The little things we worry about to the point of near or total nervous breakdowns don’t even cross the minds of those who are simply struggling daily to put food on their table.

Whether it is a problem with nail polish that won’t dry QUITE quick enough, a dress that doesn’t fit QUITE tight enough, a mosaic tile that doesn’t have QUITE enough Sparkle, a paint colour that doesn’t QUITE mesh with the rest of our decor, a love we can’t QUITE forget, our children’s toys for which we can’t find QUITE enough storage, a selfie that didn’t turn out QUITE right, a day that’s too hot, too cold, too humid, too dull, or just not QUITE right, a vacation that wasn’t QUITE what we envisioned, An iPad without QUITE enough battery, a cellphone without QUITE enough data, OR a fridge FULL of food, but one without QUITE the right variety…

Oh dear! The struggle is REAL (or so it appears)

The list above barely even grazes the surface. Us lucky First World civilians create problems of which a good portion of the world couldn’t even dream.

WHY?… Because they’ve never even heard of the term ‘Shellac’, or ever had enough money to go dress shopping. Their most decorative object is a table cloth gifted 10 years ago (which by the way they LOVE), and a vacation? YA. RIGHT.

They have children who don’t understand why Santa Claus doesn’t visit THEIR house, and therefore never get ‘A’ new toy, let-alone 20!

For the majority of them, any selfie is a great selfie because it means they’ve had the opportunity to explore a new camera, and if most lucky, a new cellphone. A phone which is perfect just the way it is, no matter how many gigabytes of data it has loaded within, or how crystal clear its camera is. And NO… they don’t necessarily understand how gut-wrenching it is to look into a fridge full of food but to have to go a DAY without Nutella… Because first of all, they find themselves lucky to be able to look into a fridge at all, and second, if it solely has toast and butter inside, they find themselves #winning.

But hey! sometimes it’s okay to get lost in the problems only we notice, because trust me, non shellac nail polish is one of my BIGGEST pet-peeves. Yes, I too, often get caught up in the problems of us First ‘Worlders’… it happens, and it’s okay.

It happens because we are lucky enough to live in a country where we DO have heated debates regarding which mosaic tile to choose, and whether we should upgrade to the newest android vs iphone, hardwood floors Vs. sturdy laminate, granite counters Vs. quartz, Cable TV Vs. an android box, a new Honda Vs. Hyundai, Cadillac Vs, Lexus, to register for another season of Soccer Vs. Tennis, Personal training Vs. Group classes, to buy a new 3 bedroom house Vs. 4 bedrooms, and whether or not that new fireplace mantle really adds the ‘pizzazz’ for which we were hoping.

All of this is okay to ponder about. Whether it’s these exact examples or not, we are ALL guilty of worrying about things which others can’t even fathom. There are levels of First World problems, some worse than others… But YES, your gross cold that you WILL get over no matter how awful it feels at the time, is STILL a first world problem.

What’s even more important than recognizing all of this, is snapping the heck out of it, and beginning to focus on what’s really important, or for lack of better terms… Finding a REAL problem.

We all have them… REAL problems. But sometimes we focus so much on the superficial that we forget to solve the issues of real importance. The ones that will help us to become healthier people, better friends, better parents, better spouses, betters sisters, better brothers, better sons, better daughters, better co-workers, and just down right better civilians.

Before I had MS, I was the QUEEN of first world problems, because quite frankly, I never really thought any different. I was young, healthy and ignorant to many of the REAL problems which continue to plague our world. Classic FWTCS (First World Teenage Civilian Syndrome)

BUT then I grew up. I grew up faster than I wanted to and I was faced with a REAL problem. Still not a full blown Third World problem, but a REAL one non-the-less. One with a magnitude I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to handle. But 8 years later I’m still here. I’ve made it. (so far), and despite the weakness and pain that troubles my body every day, I truly believe that in many other ways, I’m stronger than ever. I started focusing on what really matters, the REAL problems…and although I may still have the occasional relapse into the “FIRST WORLD PROBLEM FRENZY,” I have become more aware of what REAL problems are, how to approach them, and how to worry LESS about the superficial.

I am FAR from perfect, I am pretty sure we all are, but it’s time to start putting our First World problems last and our REAL ones first. And if you just so happen to be part of the lucky .000001% who doesn’t have a REAL problem, just simply look to your right, left, deep within, or across the globe, because there is ALWAYS someone who would love the help! And if you find yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum with First World problem overload, just take a deep breath, reel it in, and REMEMBER… There is ALWAYS someone who would love to have your bad days.

#firstworldproblemfrenzy #suckitupbuttercup #bestrongandmoveon #perspective #firstworldproblemslastandrealonesfirst #braverthanyourbattle

As my blogs go on and my story continues, I’m sure by now you realize that having MS is far from a walk in the park. 

Starting out with a disease you know nothing about is probably one of the most challenging parts. You don’t know how to react, what to say, what to do, and you often don’t know who to talk to. SO sometimes the initial reaction is to do nothing. But THAT right there, is my first DON’T.

1) DON’T do NOTHING

When faced with a challenging situation or a mountain high build-up of adversity, it’s certainly easy to lay back and not do anything at all. But it has been my discovery that doing nothing during a time which requires action, lands you further away from your ultimate goal of becoming the best version of yourself. It doesn’t have to be a big step. Just be brave enough to take one, and see where it may lead you. 

Reach out to others who are facing a similar situation, friends and family for support, and be sure to do your own research so you can become educated on how to best tackle each and every day. 

For a long time, my decision to continue doing what I was doing in terms of work, physical activity, relationships Etc. WASN’T a decision NOT to do anything. It was actually a decision to continue doing EVERYTHING that made me happy. I also made the decision to become educated on the disease so when and if it struck, I was ready. And boy did it ever!

2) DON’T Drown yourself in Self-Pity

Of course it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself sometimes. It’s a natural part of life regardless of what you’re dealing with. It’s a PERFECTLY understandable reaction when you’re dealt cards you never saw coming, or when you are grieving either the loss of a loved one or even the loss of yourself.

BUT there MUST come a time when things are put into perspective and you realize that your life is FAR from over. It’s about finding other means to be happy, and finding alternative solutions to building the best version of yourself, regardless of the adversity you are forced to face.

It’s okay to once in awhile have mini or MAJOR meltdowns, just as long as you don’t drown yourself in pity, and blind yourself from seeing the potential this life still has to offer. And if you’re having trouble doing this, just think back to my favourite quote which I’ve mentioned time and time again…”There is ALWAYS someone who would LOVE to have your bad days”

3) DON’T Belittle the Severity of Other People’s Problems

Sure, it is easy to look at other people and think “how can she be complaining about this? Or how can he be complaining about that? When they are able to walk, they’re able to do whatever they want to do and I’m here in a wheelchair not being able to do so many things I used to be able to do..😡

Trust me I’ve been there. I’ve been the one straight up pissed off at the person who mentions how brutal their cold is on Facebook or how awful their back pain is during pregnancy, when I had THAT back pain, PLUS suffocating tightness throughout my torso, the inability to breathe at times, the inability to sleep, the feeling of my body being burnt in a fire etc. Etc. 

BUT I’ve stopped all that. I’ve stopped mentally belittling other people’s problems because once all is put into perspective, each person’s problem is their own reality of awful. AND although they most definitely are genuine when they feel badly for our struggles, we can’t expect them to fully understand what they don’t experience. NOR can we expect ourselves to fully understand other people’s struggles because of the exact same reason. We don’t know it because we have NOT experienced it.

We can be sympathetic or empathetic, but until you walk a day in their shoes or they walk a day in yours, it’s unfair to place judgment. And there will NEVER come a time when we do walk a day in each other’s shoes, because even when dealing with the EXACT same disease, we don’t deal with the EXACT same symptoms. Even the closest we can get will NEVER be exact.

Of course, if we find ourselves dealing with a similar situation we can lend our support, opinions, or advice on how WE cope, but we can’t expect everybody to see things the way we do. We are UNIQUE Individuals. EACH with our own UNIQUE stories.

Understanding this alone has given me the clarity necessary to recognize that the problems others deal with are REAL, and sometimes although we may not think they are close to the severity of our own, just remember that often people have problems of which we know absolutely nothing about. 

We DON’T know how bad that back pain was during pregnancy or what other struggles they endured. We DON’T know how bad that cold was or what other health problems it may have led to. 

You see the problem with social media is that most of us put our best face forward and leave our problems in the background. We like to shine in the spotlight when we are proud of our accomplishments but most of us don’t talk about the struggles behind them OR take selfies when we feel and look our worst. 

So although Facebook is great at connecting us all together, we must also remember that there is likely a whole lot of NOT so amazing parts of people’s lives we will never hear about nor see.

I have never recognized this to the level I do now. We are all facing our own unique battles, and there should NEVER be a reason why we feel OURS needs to win a grand prize. 

Because at the end of the day, it’s not our job to be a ‘problem severity detector’ or to be the ones placing judgment on another person’s life. 

Problems are ALL problems. NONE are a walk in the park, and NONE are a trip to Disneyland. PROBLEMS are PROBLEMS that NONE of us wish to have.

4) DO be Courageous

Over the years BOTH living as an MS warrior AND as myself prior to MS, I’ve come to the conclusion that hardly anything ever comes easily. Almost EVERYTHING I’ve accomplished thus far in life has included FEAR, CHALLENGE and FRUSTRATION at some level or another. 

In fact I can’t even remember a time when something worthwhile came easily. 

ESPECIALLY now. ESPECIALLY when just waking up and getting through the day seems like a bigger task than I ever imagined possible. BUT somehow I always get up, I always fight through ALL the debilitating symptoms, and I ALWAYS make it through one more day. 

I’ve learned that in order to continue to do this day in and day out I must be courageous, I must be brave and I must be willing and able to build the resilience necessary to ‘Keep On Keepin On.’ 

I may not escape this life unscathed, but I WILL escape this life knowing I didn’t hide from my fears, I didn’t run away when things got tough. INSTEAD, I stepped up to the plate and got tougher.

Not all at once… It wasn’t always this way, but life’s a journey, and although this isn’t my desired ending, I am happy and grateful for this place I’m at now.

5) DO get Dressed up

I really do genuinely believe that feeling good and looking good are very much related. And I’m not talking about getting dressed up to the point you’re wearing heels and a ball gown around the house, as I’m not even able to physically do that.

For me it’s about getting out of my pajamas, into a fresh outfit, doing my hair and doing my makeup so that I can look put together the majority of the time. 

Obviously being a mother, and with the physical restraints I face, this isn’t easy and it doesn’t happen one hundred percent of the time, but I really try to make it a priority. 

It doesn’t make my pain better or miraculously make me walk better, but it boosts my confidence, my mood and it makes me feel like I am ready to conquer the day. 

Often the amount of pain I endure on a daily basis is more than I can even describe in words, and on my WORST days I am often plagued with partial body paralysis, leaving me with the inability to hardly move at all.

But still, even on my WORST days, I have made it my mission to freshen up in order to look the part of the warrior I KNOW I need to be. 

You don’t have to deck yourself out with makeup, or as I mentioned, walk around the house in a ball gown and heels. Even putting on a fresh yoga oufit and putting on some lipstick goes a long way for me.

Some of you may be thinking, isn’t this a little vain? To which my response is: ABSOLUTELY NOT! It’s about taking care of yourself, putting love and effort into yourself, and thus becoming ready to conquer the day, so you can get one step closer to smashing that almighty goal of yours. You don’t have to do all of what I said. Skip the makeup if you want. 

But do whatever you need to do in order to create POWERFUL self motivation. Enough motivation to get doing what you KNOW needs to be done, and look good while doing it might I add. 😎

6)Do Remain Patient and become your OWN Advocate

This may be the hardest one of all. When things aren’t going right in life we immediately want to fix them, or find somebody else who can help us to fix them. But unfortunately with an incurable illness like MS, there is no quick fix and in fact there’s currently no fix at all.

Hopes remain high that one day there will be a cure, but until then, like I said at the very beginning of this article, DON’T do NOTHING.

Patience is not sitting around and hoping for the World to Change. In my opinion, it is actually the complete opposite. It is being a self Advocate, a go-getter, determined fighter, and a persistent never settling warrior. It is always looking for the next BEST Avenue to explore in your ever winding Journey.

And when things don’t go as planned, and things don’t become as successful as you once hoped, it’s about NOT giving up. It’s becoming tougher, building an additional layer of resilience and pushing forward to find the next best thing to explore.

It’s all the phone calls and emails necessary to possibly get involved with a brand new opportunity. Maybe it’s a clinical trial, new job, or maybe it’s something totally unrelated to work or health.

But regardless of what it is, things will not land in your lap. You must be a self advocate in order to find these things, and if they don’t become part of your journey right away, it’s being patient enough to realize that maybe one day they will.

Everything I have mentioned in this last bullet point takes an immense amount of patience. Patience to be accepted, patience for it to work, and patience if it doesn’t. It’s NOT getting discouraged and INSTEAD becoming a whole other level of DETERMINED because you KNOW you are that FIERY and FIERCE fighter who won’t stop until the job’s done or the goal is reached.

The GOAL is totally up to you, your life, and your situation. Maybe it is a combination of goals and maybe it is a lot of stepping stones you must reach and cross over BEFORE moving on to the next best thing. But whatever it is, be patient, kind to yourself, and understanding that some of the best things in life take a whole LOT of time. 

REMEMBER that patience is a virtue and Rome wasn’t built in a day!

#theDosandDonts #lessonslearned #lifelessons #bethebestversionofyourself #patience #bravery #fighter #MSawareness #warrior #burnfireburn!!

This hasn’t always been my philosophy. I haven’t ALWAYS been this mega positive person with nothing to lose and everything to gain. And trust me, I’m STILL not ALWAYS this way. I realize I actually have LOTS to lose with this progressive and chronic illness, but I have chosen to look at things in a different way.

Before I started seeing my life in a different light… BEFORE it began to shine multiple shades of positivity, it shone MULTIPLE shades of grey. 

The darkness, the dreariness…it definitely took a hold of my world in ways I never even imagined. The meltdowns were often and the outbursts uncontrollable.

I was ANGRY. At times I was MISERABLE… And for 4 years of my life I couldn’t even Imagine how I was EVER going to see all those bright colours again. For 4 years of my life ALL I could think about was ‘WHY ME?’

But as soon as I discovered my NOW favourite quote, it really resonated with me.  It resonated deeper than a quote ever has. It resonated so deeply that it is now what I think about during my downright toughest days. During those rock bottom, dark and debilitating moments, I think of these simple yet powerful words:

“There is Always, always, ALWAYS someone who would LOVE to have your bad days”

And EVERY time IMMEDIATELY after thinking of those words, the glass goes from Half-EMPTY to Half-FULL. 

And seeing the glass half full is what has gotten me through my toughest days yet, and what I count on to get me through the toughest ones yet to come.

But what does the glass half full REALLY mean to me? Well, It means many things…

It means realizing life hasn’t turned out exactly the way I anticipated, yet being grateful I still have one.

It means realizing that LITERALLY half of my body has decided to shut down, but embracing the other half that still works.

It means understanding that there are some people in this life who have next to NO function left at all, and being incredibly grateful for what I still have.

It’s being aware that some people’s life has been burdened with a TERRIBLE terminal illness, and being extremely thankful that no specific time limit has been put on mine. 

It’s allowing myself to be disappointed that I can’t play sports the way I used to, but understanding that some people can’t play at all. 

And by taking the time to make note of all of these things for which I’m grateful, life starts to appear much MUCH brighter.

For me, it is taking the time to think of all the quadrapalegics, paraplegics, and persons with whom I would NEVER want to trade places. 

It comes down to allowing myself to relate to characters in movies like “Me before You.”- An emotional true story about an active young man who’s life is DRASTICALLY changed in a split second after a MAJOR spinal cord injury. It’s allowing myself to let out the tears during parts that remind me so much of my own situation, yet then snapping back out of it when I realize this poor man can’t even adjust himself in bed. 

It’s finding that happy medium where the emotion is raw, but not raw enough to make me sink down into a deep dark depression. 

It’s moments like these when my favourite quote resonates even DEEPER and the glass appears even FULLER.

And by choosing to see the glass Half full, my accomplishments become bigger and my smiles become brighter.

It’s not that I don’t give myself the permission to be mad, angry, scared or confused. It’s that I have CHOSEN to not let IT take control of my life.

I still cry, I still scream out of frustration, and I most DEFINITELY still ask why??? BUT those moments have become more minimal. 

What has become more common are the moments I go shopping, out to a friend’s house, or out to dinner and ROCK that wheelchair like nobody’s business. It’s the confidence and resilience I have built deep within that is becoming tougher and tougher to break.

It’s taking full advantage of the time when my upper body still works and finding a way to play tennis, one of my biggest passions, DESPITE having to play it seated. 

It’s allowing myself to complain about just how taxing this UNBEARABLE pain is on my body 24/7, yet at the same time being EXTREMELY thankful I have a loving and supportive family to complain to.

And above and beyond all that, it’s allowing myself to be FULL out frustrated I can’t physically be the mother I once imagined I would be many moons ago, but being incredibly grateful for being one at all.

It’s allowing myself to be frustrated and upset that I’m not able to be the ‘Hands-On’ ACTIVE mother who gets to teach my son all the sports I once played, BUT being SO unbelievably grateful he’s healthy and able to play with a ‘Hands-On’ Father, Nonno, Grandma, Mama, Papa, Abueula, Abuelo, Zia, Zio, Tio’s, Tia’s, Aunties, Uncles, cousins, and friends who care about him in ways he doesn’t even know yet.

It’s allowing myself to be okay with WISHING I was one of those ‘SUPER-MOMS’, yet being thankful I still have the cognitive capacity to relate with him, interact with him, and witness/acknowledge all of the milestones he accomplishes.

It’s knowing that no matter how bad days get, I have the sweetest most intuitive little boy who can literally turn any frown upside down in an INSTANT.

And once I really think about ALL that I STILL have, and ALL that I am thankful for…

How can the glass be seen in any other way?

Whether I choose pessimism or optimism, I still have pain, I still have debilitating fatigue, and I still have half of my body which has decided not to work. 

However on the flip side, I have a whole other half of my body that still works, a son who melts my heart everyday with a single smile, and a family who supports me in every way.

It’s about ALWAYS finding one reason to smile in exchange for each negative thought or tear that is shed.

And by doing this successfully, is there really any real value in seeing the glass half empty? #ithinknot

But the choice is INTRINSICALLY yours!

#glasshalffull #thebrighterside #thechoiceisyours #myjourney #MS #MSawareness 

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Over the past 7 years of learning how to live with all that is ‘MS’ and navigating through life as the ‘new’ me, I have come to the conclusion that the ‘Multiple’ in Multiple Sclerosis means MUCH more than the obvious ‘Multiple Scars’ or ‘Multiple Lesions’…

It’s learning how to deal with the multiple curve-balls thrown your way and being forced to see life in multiple different ways.

It’s feeling multiple emotions on multiple days and managing them despite sometimes feeling a total loss of control.

It’s feeling multiple symptoms, at multiple severities and trying a multiple of therapies in the hopes of easing them.

It’s asking and answering multiple questions asked in multiple different ways on multiple different days.

It’s dreading the multiple times you will have to get up to go to the bathroom, kitchen, answer the door, or any other task that drains your energy in ways which at some point seemed incomprehensible.

It’s the multiple times you will lose your balance, appear drunk while walking, lose your ability to walk at all, trip over absolutely nothing, or take a FULL out ROCK hard fall…and THEN the MULTIPLE times you will get back up and shake it all off.

It’s the multiple times you will say ‘It’s Neurological, NOT muscular’, and the multiple times you will ask yourself when that powerful brain of yours will wake back up.

It’s the multiple moments you will choose to embrace the cards you’ve been dealt, and then the multiple more moments you will want to scream at the top of your lungs!

It’s the multiple, multiple, MULTIPLE times you will try to do something you know you can’t do, JUST to see if anything has changed.

It’s the debilitating fatigue that overwhelms your body JUST from doing one of the MULTIPLE tasks, which at one point seemed SO second nature.

It’s the multiple degrees of pain you feel and the multiple words used to try to describe it, but that just don’t do it justice.

It’s the multiple times you feel let down when a treatment failed to relieve your symptoms, and then the multiple new ones you immediately start researching.

It’s trying to picture the multiple little aliens that have taken a hold of your body, and envisioning all the multiple ways of defeating them.

It’s ALL of the multiple challenges you fight on a daily basis due to an incurable chronic beast that is OFTEN too afraid to show its face.

It’s taking pride in recognizing the multiple battles you’ve already won, yet continuously preparing yourself for the NEVER ending WAR.

It’s finding a balance between all your multiple meltdowns, and trying to remain that strong, positive and courageous person deep within.

It’s being thankful for the multiple people who love, support and encourage you through your ever winding journey, and not being able to picture going through it without them.

It’s recognizing the multiple layers of resilience you have already built, and anticipating the Multiple new ones yet to develop.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY…

It’s NEVER letting the multiple layers of adversity outweigh the MULTIPLE triumphs and successes you’ve endured.

Because one day, I truly believe that all of these ‘multiple’ things will come to ONE happy ending, and we will ALL be able to say:

“I USED to have Multiple Sclerosis…but that was MULTIPLE years ago!”

#happyending #futurequotation #themultiplesofMS #neverlosehope #nevergiveup #resilence #determination #fightingthefight #MSawareness #burnfireburn

There’s NOTHING better than doing what you love. Especially twice in one day ❤️👟🎾 can’t wait to have my very own custom made chair!! #passion #onewayoranother #wheelchairtennis #MSawareness

The turning point when I went from DWELLING on the fact that my life had drastically changed, to becoming RELENTLESSY determined to be positive and work towards a better ‘me’, REGARDLESS of the circumstances…

It’s CERTAINLY not easy, but it’s DEFINITELY necessary!♥️

#MS #MSawareness #inspire #andbeinspired #mindfulness #positivity #theturningpoint #bedetermined #nevergiveup #burnfireburn!!!